@thecabbagedetective Your portfolio should only contains your best artwork: only you can decide if as of today this is your best. That means a portfolio is a living document, constantly evolving.
It should also be inline and reflects your general style.
In this case, my opinion is that
1/ It’s among your best work I’ve seen!
2/ I can recognize your style in it.
Stuff to consider:
– Add an AO or Clay render with the mesh turned on
– The interior: you either spend more time detailling, or hide it with having tainted windows and darker interior. Actually I would change the interior mood to something more in line with the global atmosphere of your render: maybe some executive vibe: quite dark interior with some bright screens/LED lamps:

It’s a matter of taste of course 🙂